this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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