Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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