there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
