Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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