Nicole vs. Life
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
