I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize