I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
