So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
