Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
