I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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