In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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