Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
