no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
