I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
