can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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