I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
