Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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