so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
