Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
