His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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