But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
