you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
