508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
