So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
