Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
