I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
