he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
