pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
