I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
