We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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