Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
