I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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