Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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