Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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