You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
