we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
