Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
