I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
