Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
