So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Alive.
So much puke
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
