I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize