Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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