I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
