Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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