You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize