That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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