despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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