Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina is very pro this idea
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
