Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
