I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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