Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
