just come out here and I will go home with you...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
