I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
