I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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