you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
