Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
