you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
