If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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