Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize