Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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