He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
