Who did Billy Mays play for?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That accounts for only three of the penises
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
