lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
