make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
