I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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