I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize