Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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