the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize