You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
