Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
